Darren Aronofsky Might Be Natalie Portman’s Baby’s Father

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I normally don’t deal in wild speculation and conjecture, and although that’s not true, someone sent me this today. So, if you’re having a hard time believing how a dude ballerina who skips down the street got Natalie Portman pregnant, maybe this will make it a little more harder. You know, like Darren Aronofsky’s penis.

When this famous director dropped out of a high-profile project, there was some speculation that it was due to personal rather than professional reasons. He had broken up with an actress last year, and it was believed that each was taking time off from work to battle over the custody of their child/ren. What isn’t public knowledge is that their breakup was due in large part to his affair with another actress… who became pregnant with his baby. The jury is still out on whether or not any of the three will ever acknowledge the affair and/or the baby’s paternity.


First Actress:

Second Actress:

August 25, 2010 – September 15, 2010 – Natalie Portman gets inseminated at some point. Putting her due date between June 1 and June 22, 2011.

September 1, 2010: Black Swan has its world premiere as the opening film of the 67th Venice Film Festival.

November 8, 2010: Darren Aronofsky and Rachel Weisz announced they split after 9 years, claim they had been “separated for some months“.

December 27, 2010: Natalie Portman announces that she’s pregnant and engaged. In the same press release.

March 17, 2011: Darren Aronofsky suddenly and inexplicably pulls out of The Wolverine citing production in Japan “would keep me out of the country for almost a year. I was not comfortable being away from my family for that length of time.”

June 14, 2011: Natalie Portman gives birth.

Sooo….yeah. I’m not saying any of this is true, but if you were a woman with a working vagina, would it Niagra over a brilliant, auteur filmmaker, or the guy in the corner wearing leg warmers and a leotard? I just polled several working vaginas and I didn’t even get the chance to get out the “and a leotard” part.