Selena Gomez Is Pregnant

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This is how I’m reading this story right now. TMZ reports:

Selena Gomez was rushed to the hospital last night, just after she appeared on “The Tonight Show” — TMZ has learned. Sources tell us … Gomez was feeling horrible during and after the show, complaining of nausea and a severe headache. She was taken to a Los Angeles area hospital and is still there, undergoing tests. We’re told the exact cause of her illness is not yet known.

To recap, she’s Mexican and spent a week in a tropical paradise with her boyfriend having sex. I really hope nobody thought she was just gonna come back with a souvenir that didn’t have a gestation period.