Kim Kardashian: “I Am NOT Pregnant!”

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As quickly as Ryan Seacrest came, the rumors of Kim Kardashian‘s pregnancy have been shot down by Kim herself. So of course we would believe her. She lied about not cutting a deal with Vivid to release her own sex tape. And she lied about her “surprise” engagement. And she lied about having plastic surgery. And she lied about Kris Jenner not being a Visitor Queen and High Commander of a lizard-like alien species which ostensibly comes in peace, but actually has sinister motives. But why would she lie about being pregnant? C’mon, you guys. Girls don’t do stuff like that.

This is crazy! I am NOT pregnant! Magazines can be so tricky with their wording! The inside states that one day I want a baby! But I’m not pregnant! I can foresee lots of crazy, made up stories coming out in the near future and I certainly don’t have time to shut down every rumor. But believe that if you hear it from me, it will be true. Otherwise, don’t always believe what you read, dolls.

The last sentence pretty much tells you all you need to know. With the news of her engagement, Kim “can foresee lots of crazy, made up stories”. Lots of crazy, made up stories planted by her mother like this one was (*). Then all of those crazy, made up stories can keep her in the news until her surrogate’s operator is killed.

(*) = OK! likes to print “SHE’S PREGNANT!!” rumors like the government likes to print money. Everybody knows this. So when the story is planted then subsequently denied, people will just chalk it up to OK! just being OK!. See how that works?