Adele Wants To Have Sex With Rihanna

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A fat chick who needs FEMA to come out and assess her emotional damage caused by men wants to be a lesbian? Man, I’ve never heard of such things. Fascinating. Tell me more. The Sun reports:

Given the chance, she would whisk her off on a two-week beano to the Greek island of Lesbos. She said: “If Rihanna wanted me, I’d do it with her. She’s hot.” Her infatuation started during X Factor last year. Adele said: “She had pinstripe flares on. She whipped them off and there were her stunning thighs. I said to all my girlfriends: ‘Are you feeling a bit gay right now?'” She said: “I love boys, love men. I am fascinated by them even though at times they let you down and hurt me. But right now I am more single than ever. It’s so depressing.”

All Adele needs now is a chain wallet and some vans. And a polo shirt with the collar popped. And a fauxhawk. And jean shorts. And an oversized dog. If not, all of her words are hollow and meaningless and nobody will take her seriously as a lesbian.