Lady Gaga Says She’ll Never Have Plastic Surgery. Damn.

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In an interview in the new issue of Harper’s Bazaar, Lady Gaga says she has no plans in the foreseeable future not to look like the mortal enemy of the Smurfs.

I have never had plastic surgery, and there are many pop singers who have. I think that promoting insecurity in the form of plastic surgery is infinitely more harmful than an artistic expression related to body modification. And how many models and actresses do you see on magazine covers who have brand-new faces and have had plastic surgery, while I myself have never had any plastic surgery? I am an artist, and I have the ability and the free will to choose the way the world will envision me. I had all these No. 1 records, and I had sold all these albums, and it was sort of this turning point: Am I going to try and embrace Hollywood and assimilate to that culture? I put my toe in that water, and it was a Kegel-exercise vaginal reaction where I clenched and had to retract immediately. I ran furiously back to New York, to my old apartment, and I hung out with my friends, and I went to the same bars.

Read that blockquote. Now read it again. I don’t know if you need a guy in a Hazmat suit to stand behind you with a hose, because the level of pretentious bullshit is pretty high. ” I have the ability and the free will to choose the way the world will envision me”. Uh, do what now? Because if your ability and free will chose the world to envision you as a Madonna knock-off who’s in desperate need of adding Heidi Montag’s surgeon to your contact list, then congratulations! You did it!

Note: No plastic surgery, you know, except for her nose job. (A special thanks to Tori for sending this in. And for covering her own mouth last night. My neighbors were starting to complain.)