Lindsay Lohan Is A Suspect In A Jewelry Store Theft

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Life is hot in Cracktown. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan has just turned a super-expensive piece of jewelry over to cops that landed her in the middle of a police investigation … law enforcement sources tell TMZ. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … last week the owner of an L.A. store filed a police report, claiming a $5,000 necklace was stolen from her business. We’re told the store surveillance video shows Lindsay in the store, wearing the necklace before it disappeared, although it’s unclear if the video actually shows Lindsay walking out of the store with the jewelry. Cops were in the process of getting a warrant to search Lindsay’s home, but last night one of Lindsay’s associates turned the piece over to the cops. Mind you, turning in stolen property doesn’t make it right, so the owner can continue to press the case… so Lindsay — who is still on probation — is not out of the woods.

So to recap, the jewelry store has video of Lindsay wearing the necklace, the necklace disappeared, then one of Lindsay’s friends turned it in. So I guess my question now is WHAT THE FUCK ARE THE POLICE INVESTIGATING? If the necklace is an alien artifact with the power to travel through space and time? The bitch stole it. Lock her up. But, of course, that won’t happen. Because it’s the LAPD. Lindsay could be found in daycare holding a bloody ax and surrounded by severed baby heads and the police on the scene would say, “Hmmm, yes. Yes, it definitely looks like something happened here. I wonder if these babies were involved somehow? And why is Lindsay holding an upside down cane? Is that ketchup? What is really going on here?”