Lindsay Was Under The Influence Of Drugs Or Alcohol At Betty Ford

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Investigators at the Palm Desert Police Department still haven’t got their cash payout, so there are continuing to claim that Lindsay Lohan was either drunk as hell or high as giraffe vagina when she allegedly assaulted a Betty Ford employee. Trying to prove Lindsay Lohan is drunk or high at any given moment is like trying to that prove dogs bark, but apparently dogs don’t have good lawyers. That’s why they still get gassed and kept in freezers. Haha, suck on that dogs! TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Palm Desert Police Department officials believe Lindsay Lohan was under the influence of drugs or alcohol while at Betty Ford. As TMZ first reported, the PD believes Lindsay committed violations of her probation — apart from the alleged December 12 battery. Sources say the cops believe Lindsay was under the influence of drugs or alcohol — which would be a violation of her probation in the Beverly Hills DUI case. And they believe she violated probation by refusing to submit to a breathalyzer. The former Betty Ford staffer who filed the battery complaint against Lindsay — and then said she didn’t want Lindsay prosecuted — has told TMZ she believed Lindsay was under the influence of alcohol on the night of the incident. It’s curious that Palm Desert cops are weighing in on a probation violation outside their jurisdiction. But Shawn Chapman Holley tells TMZ, “I had numerous conversations with Betty Ford counselors and doctors and it was never suggested by anyone that she ever drank or used drugs.” Holley adds, “Her discharge letter is totally consistent with that.”

I have no idea why I’m posting this, because let me go ahead and tell what’s going to happen to Lindsay after all this is over: nothing. Absolutely nothing. I understand that the guys at the Palm Desert Police Department were raised with a strong moral compass by Aunt Bee and Floyd the Barber, but they should probably sit this one out. Lindsay won’t spend a day in jail unless she’s caught snorting rails through a dead baby’s spinal cord. And even then, it’ll depend on what color the baby is.

UPDATE: What would a delusional paranoid cokehead say about something like this? Maybe something like “the police are out to get me”? Really? You think so, do you? Hmmm….interesting.