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On Wednesday, Star Magazine ran a story (RadarOnline provided the audio), that claimed Britney’s boyfriend beat her. Well, I do declare! That just dills Britney’s pickle! Us Weekly reports:

Britney Spears wants to make one thing clear: Jason Trawick never laid a hand on her. “Star Magazine, Radar Online, Jason Alexander and the rest of you liars, yawl can kiss my lily white southern Louisiana ass!” the singer, 29, tweeted Thursday. The biting statement comes on the heels of a Star report that alleges Spears reached out to ex Jason Alexander after Trawick, 38, allegedly “beat her.”

As you might have already guessed….LAWSUIT!

“It’s amazing that Star continues to try to defend their story by putting out more and more pieces of a fraudulent recording. Everyone knows it is not her,” Spears’ manager Larry Rudolph tells Us. “The more they put out, the more ridiculous they look. The lawyers are drawing up the legal papers right now; there will 100 percent be a lawsuit. We are suing.”

My first reaction was “How much to Britney pay Jason Alexander to plant this story so she could be painted as a helpless victim and not look like an unhinged lunatic anymore?”, but then a little girl in pigtails riding a tricycle with a bear cub in the basket pulled up to me. Then the bear cub handed me a daisy and patted me on the hand. Then the little girl gave me a card with macaroni glued on it that spelled out, “Smile! Jesus Loves You!” I don’t know. Sometimes I just care too much.