Jessica Simpson Didn’t Have Turkey

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Yeah, this marriage will last. Per the New York Daily News:

“For Thanksgiving we have to make a Tofurkey!” she said, noting that beau Eric Johnson is a vegan.

“After getting out of the NFL, [Eric] went to this healer and is very healthy,” she explained. “When [he] cooks vegan, it’s good.”

But that doesn’t mean she’s entirely sold on the idea.

About a Tofurkey, a dish made of tofu, Simpson admitted, “It doesn’t sound right! It’s gonna be jiggly and weird.”

Jessica Simpson calling anything else “jiggly and weird” doesn’t make sense, but Jessica Simpson going vegan makes perfect sense, because she adapts her character to whomever she’s dating (Barbie and Ken here, brunette intellectual here, and football fan here). Plus, you don’t need to eat meat if you get your protein from other sources. But dude, does Eric Johnson ejaculate success? Because that’s still the only way I can see her backing away from a Butterball.