Heidi Klum’s Costume Kicks Your Costume’s Ass

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Since most women have low self-esteem and body image issues and generally hate other women who have a higher metabolism or a man’s attention, women have only one costume choice for Halloween: “Slutty [Insert Occupation]” (See the last two posts or your Facebook news feed). But when you’re physical perfection, successful, humble, cool, AND have a happy marriage, you don’t need to plan your costume around how to show your inner slut in hopes guys will look at you instead of that bitch Michelle. I mean, fuck her! Why does she have to be so pretty! She eats as much as she wants and doesn’t even gain weight! And have you seen her hair? That has to be extensions, right? And I don’t care what anybody says, her boobs are definitely fake! And did you hear she got a promotion at work?! I wonder whose dick she sucked. Did you hear? Gary’s brother’s works with a guy that knows a friend of Michelle’s and he said that she blew him at a bowling alley. She’s such a slut!