Lindsay Wants Her SCRAM Taken Off

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On September 24th, Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in jail and ordered to stay in custody until her October 22 court date. However, since you have to behead a child while smiling into a patrol car camera to serve jail time in California, Judge Schnegg reversed Judge Fox’s decision and allowed Lindsay to post bail two days later. As part of the conditions of her release, Lindsay was ordered to wear a SCRAM bracelet at all times because she’s a drunk whore. But SCRAM bracelets are uncomfortable. Didn’t the judge ever think of that?!

“Lindsay wants her alcohol monitoring device off – now,” a source close to the anxious actress told, exclusively. “Lindsay is pleading with her lawyer, counselors and anyone who will listen to try and find a way to get the SCRAM device taken off. “Lindsay complains because it is supposedly very uncomfortable.” The troubled star, who is undergoing her fifth stint in rehab, was fitted with the alcohol-monitoring device within 24 hours of being released from jail, late September. The source told, “Lindsay doesn’t understand why she has to wear the SCRAM because she voluntarily checked into rehab and she is tested for drugs while being at Betty Ford.” Judge Schnegg is the one that ordered Lindsay to wear the bracelet after allowing her to post bail, and go against what Judge Fox had ordered. “Lindsay will have to wear the bracelet until her next hearing on October 22nd and could be forced to wear it for as long as Judge Fox makes her.”

Can’t we just pretend her SCRAM bracelet detected rabies so we can take her out back and shoot her? Because, honestly, that’s really the only way this chick and her welfare recipient sense of entitlement will ever be killed off for good. The only way. You might argue, “But Todd, why not have a lynch mob set her on fire in a boiler room?”. Do whatever you want, but when she has you in your sleep, who will be there to save you? Have you thought about that? Huh, have you?!