Jessica Alba Needs A New Mirror

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Jessica Alba was interviewed in this month’s British GQ magazine, and this might me too much information, but I might be hard. Splash reports:

Hollywood actress Jessica Alba said she believes every other actress out there is prettier than she is. The 29-year-old star admitted she is not confident in the way she looks and said she doesn’t understand why she’s a sex symbol. She said to British GQ magazine: “I don’t get it. Every actress out there is more beautiful than me.”She added: “Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, Jennifer Garner, Beyonce, you name it. All better-looking than me. I’ve seen them without make-up, so I know.”

There’s nothing, and I repeat nothing, better than a hot chick with the self-esteem of a wheelchair athlete with lupus and third-degree burns, so Jessica Alba can keep on believing this for the rest of her life. I thought I would have to kidnap her loved ones, but apparently all I have to do to bang her is tell her she doesn’t look fat in her dress and my balls will get drained like my iPhone’s battery. What’s up with that, Steve Jobs? I shouldn’t need a monkey running on a treadmill to play Bejeweled, you jackass.