Ashton Kutcher Is A Loving Husband Pt. 2

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Earlier this month, Ashton Kutcher banged a blonde chick against a wall in the bathroom of the LA Italian restaurant, Madeo, but don’t worry, he banged some chick before that. Star Magazine reports:

In the Sept. 27 issue of Star — on sale today — a 21-year-old woman exclusively details her hot night with the married actor, who celebrates his fifth anniversary with Demi Moore later this month. The brunette Demi look-alike — who you’ll see only in Star — says that she met Ashton in July while bowling at Lucky Strike Lanes in Hollywood. Although the That ’70s Show star was there with Demi, his stepdaughter Rumer Willis and some other friends, it didn’t stop him from swooping in and striking up a conversation with the young woman, who was sitting at a cocktail table. Although the woman admits she knew Ashton was there with Demi, that didn’t stop her from slipping him her number on a cocktail napkin when he was getting ready to go. But little did she know that just days later she’d be having sex with Ashton on a sofa in the house he shares with Demi and her daughters! “I felt totally comfortable in his arms,” she tells Star. “It was tender and nice — not some random sex act.”

Okay, so here’s my theory: Demi has known all along. And doesn’t care. Ashton is 32. Demi Moore is 42 47 and has had more work done than the Millennium Falcon. She gets to be married to a younger guy, he gets to bang young chicks. Also, Ashton and I have the same birthday. I only mention that because I don’t know how many Aquariuses you know, but there’s a good chance they tried to fuck you at some point.