Mariah Carey Might Be An American Idol Judge

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It’s been way too long since a rambling bitch high on prescription medication and her unwarranted sense of importance in music history sat at a table and judged single moms and church activities directors on their karaoke ability, so thank God our wait is almost over.

Mariah Carey is still in negotiations to sign on as a judge, a source exclusively tells E! News. “She wants it,” says the source. “She’s seen what America’s Got Talent has done for [hubby Nick Cannon] and thinks it will be a good career move.” When contacted Thursday evening for comment, a rep for Carey didn’t confirm or deny, responding only that there is “nothing to report.” Several sticking points remain, but we hear that Fox is optimistic that they will make a deal with Carey.

Who gives a damn? Can’t we just cancel this shit already? It’s been on for 9 seasons and only one winner has had a successful and consistent career. And she sings country. Indiana Jones had an easier time finding the Chachapoyan Fertility Idol than this show has finding an American Idol. Seriously, look at the list of past winners: Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks, David Cook, Kris Allen, and Lee DeWyze. I’ve never heard of five of them and I’m pretty sure two of them are dead.