Lindsay Will Be Released Early. Again.

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Lindsay Lohan was released from jail with the promise of being forced to serve 90 days in a rehab facility at UCLA Medical Center. I guess 90 is code for “45”.

Danette Meyers, the prosecutor in Lindsay’s case, told that Lindsay most likely will be free before spending her entire 90 day sentence in rehab at UCLA Medical Center. “My understanding from conversations with Shawn Chapman Holley is that Miss Lohan could be released early from the treatment facility,” Meyers told exclusively. “It is looking as if that is what the health care professionals are going to recommend. “How much earlier she could be released I’m unsure of at this point. “I will follow what the health care professional advise. That could involve follow up treatment for Miss Lohan, however, it is my understanding that it is looking like the health care professionals will be recommending that she be released earlier than the 90 days Judge Revel previously ordered.”

This is the time when I would go into the temple and start overturning tables and getting all righteous indignation on your ass, but damn this bitch needs to get out today. You hear me? Today. We’ve been writing about Fantasia and Justin Bieber. To reiterate, Fantasia and Justin Bieber. This can’t happen. Plus, I have a joke that compares the Trail of Tears to cocks I need to use, so if they could hurry things up, that would be fantastic.

Note: Just in case you were wondering, this crying baby next to me in Starbucks is about to get punched in the fontanelle. All they have is muffins, you asshole and your mother is comically unprepared to deal with you. Suck it up.

Lindsay in the August 2010 issue of Maxim: