Lindsay Is A Model Prisoner

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Lindsay Lohan has been in the Lynwood Correctional Center for nine days, and from Day 1 her and her family having been telling anyone who would listen that she’s Nelson Mandela chained to a car engine in Michael Vick’s backyard being guarded by the SS. Man, I wonder what all this enabling has done for Lindsay? I bet it’s not counterproductive at all. Star Magazine reports:

“The other day Lindsay was freaking out because she wanted another blanket. She kept yelling out, ‘Hello! I asked for a blanket like two hours ago! I’m getting sick!’ It went on for hours.” “My sister told me that Lindsay was complaining about not having any bottled water to drink, and saying that unpurified water makes her sick. But this isn’t some fancy hotel. If inmates want water, they drink good old Los Angeles tap water. “Then she was demanding someone bring her a fan. She said she was going to pass out. Of course she didn’t get it — or the water.

And of course, Dina Lohan thought “jail” meant “day spa”.

“She doesn’t have cell phone privileges, that’s absurd. She doesn’t even have a pillow to sleep on,” Dina told exclusively. “I talk to her through glass. There’s a phone and we put her on speaker but I can’t even hug my daughter. She’s treated like a common criminal.”

Look, I don’t want to ruin the surprise for Dina, but her daughter is in JAIL. You don’t get sentenced to 90 for scratching off three sailboats on a lottery ticket or winning the Showcase Showdown, you go to jail because you’re a drunk bitch who can’t handle her blow. Hope that clears everything up!