Miranda Kerr Is Pregnant

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Well played, Orlando Bloom. Well played, my friend.

Not only did the lovebirds recently pull off a totally under-the-radar wedding, but a source tells the new issue of Us Weekly that the Victoria’s Secret model, 27, has been keeping something else classified as well: She’s pregnant! “She’s definitely pregnant… Miranda’s thrilled,” says a source close to the Australia native, who wed the actor, 33, at an undisclosed location — reportedly in the Caribbean — less than a month after revealing their engagement on June 21. “She’s telling all her friends, mostly other models, about it.”

Exactly. Marry a Victoria’s Secret model and knock her up immediately. Even if Orlando Bloom next acting gig for the rest of his life is a recurring role as a guest star on CSI: Fuquay-Varina, his penis would still be dipped in gold and thrown a parade.