Lindsay Is Crying, Needs Iron Man

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Lindsay will be getting out of jail in less than a week, but based on her incessant whining and crying all hours of the night, you’d think she was tied over a cliff on Skull Island. Oh, boo hoo, you spoiled cunt. The Sun reports:

The actress has reportedly kept prisoners at LA County jail awake at night as she wails over the taunts chanted at her repeatedly throughout the day. As a result, Lindsay’s been put in lockdown as officials bid to make conditions more bearable for all, says former inmate Cheryl Presser. She revealed: “Lindsay would lie there shivering all night, crying and covering her face with her hands. “Her wailing was keeping everyone awake. She had a hysterical fit, crying and yelling, so she got put in isolation.” One US report claims Lindsay is being monitored around-the-clock and has even spent a short time in hospital.

In other Lindsay news (there always is), Michael Lohan is still trying to keep his name in the news by attempting to get Robert Downey, Jr. (who went through drug rehabs like condoms back in the 90’s), to speak with his troubled daughter. Us Magazine reports:

“My people are reaching out to Robert Downey Jr. and to Mark Wahlberg. I know both of them and Mark is a tremendous human being,” Michael says. “Hopefully they’ll see her before she gets out and she’ll get in this rehab and get off these prescription meds, and she’ll get her life back.” “Once she gets out, which will be Thursday or Friday, of course I’m going to fly back and I’ll be there for her,” Michael says. “She’s only on two [medications] right now. Ambien is for sleeping, so I can understand that,” Michael says. “But this Adderall stuff has got to be stopped. Seven out of 10 kids in college are on this stuff and it’s no more than methamphetamine! It’s speed.”

My people are reaching out to Robert Downey, Jr.”? Dude, you wear acid-washed jeans and a braided belt with a cell phone holster on it, who are these people you’re talking about? Crockett and Tubbs? Are they still parking their DeLorean? Are they Vietnam vets who now solve mystery cases with an orange robot? I’m so confused right now.