“Inmates Have Been Calling Her Fire Crotch”

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Lindsay will more than likely be released from jail any day now, but according to recently released inmates, the prison is fully up to date on their 2007 slang.New York Magazine reports:

Lindsay Lohan has reportedly been brought to tears in jail, because her inmates have been calling her “fire crotch.” This actually sounds awful, made even worse by the dubious tale of her inmates “chanting” this nickname while she lays in her cell. One recently-released inmate explained: “Lindsay didn’t say nothing. She was crying though.” Apparently the other girls are sick of seeing the starlet receive special treatment: “Like if she even moves, they put the whole facility on lockdown. It happens all the time,” a relative of an inmate explained.

In related news, in a move fully to get attention, Michael Lohan probably just did his single best act of parenting since signing Lindsay’s birth certificate. TMZ reports:

Michael Lohan says he turned in a list of doctors he claims “over-prescribed” drugs to Lindsay Lohan … and he wants the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department to investigate the docs. Michael went to the West Hollywood Sheriff’s station on Friday afternoon. He says he reported the doctors because he believes they wrongly prescribed drugs, and they did so “under false names.” Lohan also says his lawyer, Lisa Bloom, talked to California Attorney General Jerry Brown about including these doctors as part of his massive prescription drug investigation.

I’m so tired of this story that I truly wouldn’t care if I saw Lindsay being hung in the public square or shopping in Times Square by this time tomorrow.The whole family is useless and the sooner they’re wiped off the face of the Earth the better. Preferably by some plague or a creature from the deep, but that’s just me being selfish at this point.

Since most paparazzi are illegals who might not want to break into a jail, there’s no new pics of Lindsay. So for all intents and purposes, let’s pretend these are new: