Everybody Got Married This Weekend

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Jennifer Aniston is on suicide watch today, because apparently everyone in Hollywood got married over the weekend. Martin Lawrence and Shamicka Gibbs, that one MTV VJ LaLa Vazquez (former MTV VJ, she’s rich now) and NBA star Carmelo Anthony, Emily Blunt and John Krasinski, and of course, Carrie Underwears and Mike Fisher. I only bring this up, because is Mike Fisher a hockey player or Hellboy? Christ, look at his freakin head. Has his mom got her stitches taken out yet? The only way somebody should have a head this big is if they are green humanoids who hate Superman or can levitate cars with their mind.