Lindsay Lohan Is Michael Jackson

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Last week it was reported that Lindsay’s bloodstream is a pharmacy, because apparently sleeping until noon and bottle service at Chateau Marmont causes you to be checked into Walter Reed. Not only is she on Dilaudid (prescribed heroin, basically), Lindsay is taking Zoloft, Trazodone, and Nexium. How does she get all of these with such ease? Hold on to your goddamn hat.

Sources close to Lindsay tell TMZ she would go to six different doctors for prescriptions. One source says, “When one doctor says no to refilling a prescription, she will go to the next. It’s a whole process to get what she needed.” We’re told Lindsay has doctors both in Los Angeles and New York — even one of her past rehab facilities still prescribes her meds. As we first reported, Lindsay has prescriptions for: Zoloft (antidepressant), Trazodone (antidepressant), Adderall (stimulant to control ADHD), Nexium (acid reflux) and the extremely powerful painkiller Dilaudid. We’re told Lindsay “would get a large supply every time” she visited a doctor.

A “large supply every time”? Did this bitch get an amputation recently that we don’t know about? Is her psychiatrist making her wear the jacket? Why the hell does she need this much drugs? The only thing that should be in Lindsay’s blood is Plan B and T-cells that just made the endangered species list.