Hermy Gaga Is Really Tough

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Fuck the people who wanted to see the Mets-Padres game yesterday, because Lady Gaga showed up looking like Gargamel if he was auditioning for the Rainbow Flag’s production of The Outsiders. To make sure she was seen, she sat in regular seats, got drunk, and started talking shit. When people starting talking shit back, her estrogen shots kicked in and she ran away like a girl to Jerry Seinfield’s luxury box, where she continued to taunt fans by threatening to turn them to stone if she took her sunglasses off. Okay, I may have made that last part up. But if somebody could crack this bitch in the face, I would appreciate it. At worst, it’ll do something about her nose. It looks like it’s always ready to locate a hidden box of Fruit Loops. Follow my nose! It always knows! The flavor of fruit! Wherever it grows!