Inferno Sounds Romantic

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A guy that runs a fetish website claims to have read the screenplay to Inferno, the Linda Lovelace biopic starring Lindsay Lohan. To reiterate, he runs a fetish site. After he read it, he had to sleep with a night light. Page Six reports:

Lindsay Lohan will be thoroughly degraded as “Deep Throat” porn star Linda Lovelace in the controversial upcoming movie “Inferno,” according to Aerik Von, an employee of fetish Web site who claims to have read the screenplay. Calling it akin to a “Lifetime horror film,” Von told The Post’s Mandy Stadtmiller that Lovelace’s former husband, the legendarily brutal Chuck Traynor, is depicted as psychologically and physically torturing Lohan’s character… But some of the sexual acts in the film, written and directed by Matthew Wilder, are so rough, it’s hard to imagine the movie making it to theaters in its current form no matter who plays Lovelace, Von said. “Traynor kicks her to a pulp,” Von says. “She’s made to say terrible things about herself while in the middle of sex acts. After her boyfriend assaults her, he kisses her bruises and asks, ‘Does this feel good?’ “Von added, “It’s very sensational. There are not so much plot devices as shock tactics.” Before Traynor turns Lovelace into a hooker, he forces her into a gang-rape scenario with several businessmen — one of whom hums a tune from “Mary Poppins” while fondling her breast. Von says, “The movie’s obviously designed to just outright disturb [with] the combination of childhood imagery and absolute outright depraved perversions.

Ok, so yeah. This movie will never get made. If it does, it will never see the inside of a theater. Maybe they should make Linda Lovelace a blonde college student who wants to to travel through Eastern Europe. Moviegoers seem to like that. Bulgaria sounds like a lot of fun until your organs are sold.

Note: The banner pics are from Lindsay’s recent photoshoot for Purple Magazine. Click on any of the banner pics to see more wonders of Photoshop. Nikola Tesla couldn’t design an illusion better that this.