Surprise. No Movie In Texas Exists

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Yesterday during Lindsay Lohan’s hearing, her lawyer adamantly tried to persuade the judge that a SCRAM bracelet would greatly hinder Lindsay’s ability to film her upcoming movie in Texas. But just like with every other one of Lindsay’s lies, all it takes is some of your anytime minutes and an operator to connect you to the truth.

TMZ has contacted the producers of the only two motion picture projects Lindsay is currently attached to — “Machete” and “Inferno” — and they both made it very clear that LiLo has no business in Texas. A rep for “Machete” tells us there ARE additional scenes being shot in Texas but, “according to the director, they don’t include [Lindsay].” As for “Inferno,” a rep tells us, “The Linda Lovelace biopic doesn’t plan on starting shooting ’till the beginning of August.” Also, it’s not being shot in Texas — so the SCRAM bracelet would have no affect on that film either. Lindsay’s attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, relayed Lohan’s excuse to Judge Marsha Revel on Monday — but the judge didn’t buy it anyway … and forced her to SCRAM it up.

I think this judge will regret making Lindsay wear this SCRAM bracelet. Especially when Hammer Industries’ drones attack L.A. Lindsay’s lawyer should argue that Lindsay is being poisoned by the palladium core in her arc reactor and vodka and semen help synthesize her blood. She should try it. What could go wrong?