Lindsay Came Up With An Excuse

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Lindsay Lohan flew to Cannes knowing full well that she had less than a week to complete three court ordered alcohol education classes and appear in court. Then she proceeded to get drunk and be seen with four different dudes (one being Amanda Seyfried’s boyfriend). And since she is a drunk mess who had no intention of showing up to court or completing her classes, she is now claiming that someone “stole” her passport. Take that judge!

Lindsay Lohan will not make it to court tomorrow … TMZ has learned. Sources tell TMZLindsay claims someone stole her passport in Cannes. Lindsay claims she actually went to the airport yesterday trying to get on a flight without a passport but was denied boarding. We’re told she had a reservation on the flight so she could make it back to L.A. for tomorrow’s mandatory court hearing. Sources tell TMZ Lindsay has made an appointment with the U.S. Embassy tomorrow at 9 AM to get another passport so she can fly home. As for the court hearing, Judge Marsha Revel has said she will issue a warrant for Lindsay’s arrest if she doesn’t show up at 8:30 AM. But Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, tells TMZ, “I was on the phone with Lindsay’s assistant the entire night and we’re doing everything we can to resolve this issue and get her back to L.A.” Holley says, “Lindsay is distraught because it was her intention to get back to L.A. today to do more alcohol education classes today and appear in court tomorrow.”

I hope nobody thought Lindsay would actually show up court. It’s Lindsay Lohan. If it doesn’t doesn’t including heating up a spoon or anal lube, she just doesn’t have time for such nonsense. Whatever. Not that I care if 23-year old white chicks use drugs and pass out so me and my buddies can pass them around, but take a look at that banner picture. That was less than five years ago. I spilled more semen to Lindsay Lohan than Jake Gyllenhaal does looking at a Details magazine, and now she looks like if I can break a ten she’d give me head in a Dairy Queen bathroom. Basically what I’m saying is, by all means white girls, do drugs. Thanks.