Marisa Miller Is Depressing

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Marisa Miller showed up at Wet Republic in Vegas this weekend, and I know I talk about how I would bang most of the women on this site (which of course I never will) but I’m almost glad I’ll never be able bend Marisa Miller’s insane body over a couch. Because if I did, it would have to be through Make-A-Wish, because if I didn’t die immediately after, I’m pretty sure my penis would fall into a deep depression and need medication to cope with the vagina that would come afterward. I could walk into a sorority with a case of Grey Goose and a garbage bag full of X, and my penis would just end up sitting in the corner practicing relaxation techniques and posting on his support group’s message board.