Lindsay Is A Damn Mess

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I wouldn’t put Michael Lohan in charge of my Blu-ray player, but since Lindsay lives in a world of delusion and fantasy and is incapable of taking responsibility for anything she does, her father has started the legal process of creating a conservatorship.

Lindsay is in NYC but refuses to see Michael … and daddy Lohan says it’s now time. As for a possible conservatorship, Lohan is telling people he’d gladly serve as the conservator but is open to someone else assuming that role. Michael Lohan also says he does not want his daughter to go to jail. As TMZ first reported, Lohan is on the fast track for a jail cell because she has squarely violated the terms of her probation. A court day of May 20 looms for Lindsay. Michael wants Lindsay in rehab but not a traditional, group facility. He wants to go the Brooke Mueller route — a private home with lots of doctors. What Michael isn’t factoring in — that type of rehab is bocu expensive and Lindsay is broke.

Lindsay puts her whole life on Twitter, so when she talked shit about her hipster dyke, Samantha Ronson, her ass got called out. Star Magazine reports:

“It’s not a crime to go and have fun with your friends,” Lindsay said in a radio interview Wednesday night, just before she headed out to multiple hot spots in L.A. for a night on the town that reportedly ended at 5 am the next morning. Things got nasty though when Lindsay tweeted that Samantha asked her to leave a party for music producer Timbaland. In her tweets, Lindsay wrote that Sam had stayed over just two nights ago and her ex was “playing the innocent card.” In response, Sam fired off a series of tweets presumably aimed at Lindsay saying, “If you’re gonna be an idiot an do coke- do it outside the bathroom- some of us actually use them to pee in,” and “Jack and crack will make for some crazy tweets.”

Can’t somebody just make a law that says if we see this idiot we can be legally allowed to shoot her? Or can’t we just send this bitch to Mexico to help with the war on drugs? She can snort her way through South America until Consuela can only swallow balloons of refried beans. Lindsay will be feared and townspeople will use magic and sorcery to stop her evil tyranny. She’ll be like the Chupacabra if the Chupacabra needed a labiaplasty and was always asking to borrow your lighter.