Lady Gaga Almost Died

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Lady Gaga is a pretentious attention whore who wears ridiculous outfits to cover up the fact that she’s just a homely chick who took piano lessons who now thinks she’s a musical genius because she rhymes “ga” with “ra”. She’s like Darkman after 90 minutes in the sunlight without shit covering up her comically unattractive face, and she’s so scared that she wears crap that might actually kill her. The Sun reports:

LADY GAGA has taken her pledge never to be seen in normal clothes to a dangerous new level. The crackpot US singer had to be undressed by cabin staff on a flight from London to America after her legs began to swell due to another odd outfit. Bonkers GaGa had boarded a long-haul flight at Heathrow wearing black and yellow TAPE and giant blue shoes designed by her pal, the late ALEXANDER McQUEEN. Her daft garb was so uncomfortable it brought on the early stages of the potentially deadly deep vein thrombosis. An airline source said: “GaGa was a high-risk DVT case so she was advised to change out of her clothes. But the outfit was so cumbersome she needed help changing out of it. She was particularly miffed about ditching her heels. She was wearing them in memory of her friend Alexander.”

I’m not sure if I would risk my life to wear heels in memory of a dead gay dude, but if Lady Gaga feels so strongly about this, who are we to stop her? If dying will make her feel better about herself, we should encourage that. Who am I, God? I would care more, but my pizza just got here so…