Lindsay Lohan Is Writing A Tell-All Book

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Because she has a lot of free time on her hands and wants to “tell-all” before Mark Ebner gets around to prolapsing her anus more than it already is, Lindsay is writing a book. Yes, you just read that. Lindsay Lohan. Writing a book.


“I write a lot and it’s very therapeutic for me because then I can see what’s happening on paper,” she told OK! Magazine. “I’ve started writing a book. It’s going to take a while, all my life experiences. I started writing it a year ago. There’s a lot to put down, you know?” Lindsay also compared her multiple stints in rehab to vacations. “It was a nice time to shut everyone off for a while because there was so much noise. There were some things I had done… I had put myself in situations which I probably should have thought through.” Perhaps she wants to clear up the party girl image that she is so famous for. “When I was in school I didn’t drink, or even try one, until I was probably 18,” she said. “Literally, and I’m not lying about that. I’m just some sort of a target for some reason! I’m made out all the time to be the bad guy!”

I have no idea why she needs to write a book, because all people have to do is look to the right and click on “Lindsay Lohan” and they’ll find out all the need to know. But since I’m a reclusive shut-inhuge Internet sensation with many contacts in my phonethe industry, I received a partial preview of the chapter names:

Chapter 1: I played twins in that one movie

Chapter 2: I have big tits

Chapter &: Cocaine, what’s all this about?

Chapter 4br5: Semen: It’s warm.

Chapter rainbow: I fucking love coloring!!

Chapter 9: Daddy 🙁

Chapter y: Vagina. It’s also warm

Chapter ?: How to flee a scene

Chapter 465: Semen: It’s warm. Did I mention that?

Chapter 76: Unemployment forms: How to fill them out

Chapter 86fs: I’m positive. Wait, that’s good, right?

Lindsay at Sketch Nightclub. Ironically, the same two words that will be in her obituary: