Jennifer Aniston Is Desperate

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Since she’s a clingy, overbearing pit of need and insecurity who can’t find someone to cum inside her without being hypnotized and needs a PR team to make you think she has a boyfriend, Jennifer Aniston has now moved on to plan B.

Us Magazine reports:

Jennifer Aniston, 40, is through with famous men, says an insider, who notes that the actress was left “really messed up and heartbroken” by singer John Mayer. “She wants to be set up with a wealthy businessman, not a celebrity,” the insider says in the new issue of Us Weekly, on newsstands now. Though her rep says Aniston “does not place restrictions on the people who may come into her life,” the insider says pals like Courteney Cox are hoping she’ll settle with an “older, mature man.” Still, one pal doubts the resolution will stick: “She always ends up drifting back to actors and musicians. Her friends want a normal guy, but she’s drawn to the attention.”

For her sake, I really hope this works out, because at this point her only other option is stuffing sawdust in whatever she can sneak out of the morgue.