Lindsay Is Officially An Escort, A Drunk Mess

[Gallery not found]

Every year, 77-year old weirdo Austrian billionaire Richard Lugner pays celebrity skanks such as Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, and Dita Von Teese to be his date for Austria’s premier social event, the Vienna Opera Ball. Katie Price was his first choice this year, but because she couldn’t shut the hell up about it, his second choice was Lindsay Lohan. Who wants to take a guess how it’s turned out so far? I bet you’ll never guess! New York Post reports:

Lohan, dubbed “the fallen Disney princess” by the Austrian media, accepted Lugner’s offer after his first choice, pneumatic British reality-TV star Jordan (aka Katie Price), stole his thunder by announcing her selection to the tabloids before he could. But Lohan had some issues. “She wanted to change some of the dates,” Lugner told The Post. Alas, the ultraposh Opera Ball, started in 1936, “can’t be moved.” Then Lohan, 23, refused to pick a gown ahead of time and will wait until just before the Feb. 11 ball to pick “a European gown.” Lugner won’t comment on whether he’s picking up the tab for that. Finally, her handlers called. No champagne. No open bar. No alcohol of any kind must be allowed within Lindsay’s sight. “Her managers have told us to make sure that she doesn’t drink during her trip,” Lugner said. “We have made arrangements to pull all the liquor from the mini-bar in the hotel room where she’ll stay, and told room service they are not to deliver drinks to her.” To make sure Lohan will be on her best behavior as 2,000 haute Viennese waltz the night away, “we will be drinking only mineral water that night to avoid any problems.”

Um, I’m not really sure what everybody was expecting. To reiterate, it’s Lindsay Lohan. She’s not going to be in her hotel doing Sudoku or teaching homeless kids how to read. She’s gonna be huffing lighter fluid and doing rails and trying to swallow every cock within 50 yards. If the opera doesn’t end with Lindsay masturbating with a Smirnoff bottle you can go ahead and call this a success.