I Give It Two Weeks

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Let’s not kid ourselves, Lindsay Lohan should have been found dead in a ditch then frozen and used as a DNA database for the FBI two years ago, but in 2010 she will be like the Phoenix and rise from the ashes of delusion and lunacy. She says on her official Twitter:

“2010 is about moving forward, not backwards. Leaving the bad (people, habbits [sic], and negative energy behind) time to make changes-right!?!? :)” Lohan, 23, tweeted from St. Barts, where she’s been spending time onboard Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich’s yacht. As Lohan vowed on her Twitter page, “Starting my new year off with friends&family, the way it should be….. No boyfriends and the other drama.” Lohan’s message threw cold water on recent reports that have romantically linked her to DJ Jus-Ske and model Adam Senn…Still, Lohan, won’t let the detractors get her. “To answer everybody’s question … My new years resolution is to stop letting the lucky few that have my heart, try2constantly tear me down,” she Tweeted. “Everyone get ready for more (but positive-LOHAN MAYHEM!!!!!!!!)”

Lindsay can’t go without coke or cock for five minutes, so there’s a good chance she’s passed out on a bathroom with her panties around her neck as I’m typing this. Because it’s always a good sign when you tweet about changing your lifestyle while the Russian billionaire in the next room is putting on the horse mold strap on while a Chinese kid in his underwear is lighting firecrackers.

Lindsay Lohan and her sister looking for UV rays and their ass in St. Barts: