Rihanna Is Blurry

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Rihanna put on one of those black people hair things and a bikini she stole from a 3rd grader to prance her disproportionate body around Barbados this weekend. She needs duct tape and magic to fill out a B-cup, and the bottom half is just a damn mess. In fact, I don’t even know she didn’t just kick Chris Brown’s head off. She would have gotten away with it, because I’m pretty sure the police would have narrowed the suspects down to a bear or an escaped centaur from Narnia.