Man, How Is This Still Single?

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Scholars around the world are puzzled as to why Jessica Simpson is unable to keep a man for five minutes, because my God, she’s such a natural beauty. And that’s not even considering the fact that she’s more needy than a paraplegic and she’s been putting on weight like a dog rescued from the pound lately. I’d be afraid to ask for her autograph because I’m pretty sure I’d be ran over by a knight on a white horse.