I Need More Medicine

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Kristen Bell attended the launch of Assassin’s Creed II last night, and I really want to think she’s hot, but every time I look at her my penis does that thing where you look at your watch then make the speed it up hand gesture. I mean, she’s cute, but she looks like her greatest sexual fantasy would be having some guy Force choke her as he tells her that she’s put too much faith in the technological marvel that she’s constructed.