Halloween Was Boring, Unattractive

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I’m not sure what the hell was going on for Halloween this year, but dear God it was boring. The McCord Sisters of Eastwick probably left the house thinking they were hot, but that would only happen if they had been literally set on fire. Ashley Greene can’t wait to get in a bikini or naked (NSFW) every other day of the year so it’s a little surprising that she dressed up as a peacock cocktail waitress. Seriously, how am I supposed to masturbate to this? I mean, I’ve done it to Animal Planet before, but my therapist says that it can be healthy. I think he might be just saying that. Blake Lively is one of hottest pieces on television right now, but she looks like something in one of my grandpa’s magazines. Eliza Dushku and Rick Fox (?) went as a some sort of vampire Bonnie and Clyde. I’m not sure why vampires would need inaccurate automatic weapons to rob a bank, but then again, I wasn’t high when I picked out my costume. The usually smoking hot Jessica Alba went as a lost Mexican child who never stops asking questions, and although I appreciate her bending over, how am I supposed to guess what’s in her backpack? How should I know?! You packed the fucking thing !!