Kourtney Kardashian Got Robbed

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The hottest Kardashian reported that her Calabasas townhome was burglarized last night after she returned home from dinner at 8:30pm to discover evidence of a break-in. Or was Kyle Reese teleported to the wrong time, with the danger still all too real? You go naked. Something about the field generated by a living organism. Nothing dead will go. Why? I didn’t build the fucking thing! TMZ reports:

We’re told hundreds of thousands of dollars of jewelry was reportedly taken. The home is in a gated community. The L.A. County Sheriff’s Department responded and they are on scene. We’re also told among the items missing — Kourtney’s Cartier watch worth around $30,000, an expensive Rolex owned by her boyfriend, multiple diamonds including diamond hoops. And, worst of all, she’s missing some vintage jewelry her dad, Robert Kardashian, left her. We’re told Kourtney had left with her boyfriend at around 7 PM for dinner, returned and discovered the break-in. They found many of the drawers open.

I don’t know if the authorities have any suspects in this case, but they should know that her sisters associate with known African Americans. That might be worth looking into. Why just last Christmas, I saw one standing in front of the mall beside a red cauldron and ringing a bell. What was he doing? Was he some kind of warlock?! Then said “ho ho ho!” so I threw my wallet and keys at him and ran away. Is that some new gang slang?! Oh my God…help! HELP!!!

I guess it’s kinda too late for an abortion, huh?