So Maybe They Didn’t Break Up

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Last week it was reported that Justin Timberlake was cheating on Jessica Biel with Rihanna and they were close to a breakup. “Really? Fantastic. I’m so over this chick. I’m headed to the store, we good on Funyuns?” my penis was quoted as saying. Page Six reports:

Justin Timberlake had a date night with Jessica Biel — casting doubts on reports that he’d dumped her for Rihanna. Us Weekly reported yesterday that Timberlake had dumped Biel over the phone, while Star claims he’s turned up the heat with Rihanna. But Timberlake and Biel were photographed holding hands Monday night, even though they sure weren’t smiling. A source said, “They’ve spent the last few days vacationing together in Santa Barbara. Things have been rocky in the last few months, but they are working it out. And this rumor that Justin was hooking up with Rihanna is wild — they’ve been working on a track together.”

I was gonna say this is bad news, but Jessica Biel has looked like she’s been cursed by a gypsy lately, so whatever. That will all change of course if she starts looking like actual Jessica Biel again. Then my vampire cyborg pumas will need to be re-calibrated to only hunt effeminate dancing wiggers with perms. They will return to me with no knowledge of who they are…or what they have done.

Jessica Biel looking like absolute hell in Vancouver where she is shooting the A-Team:

Jessica Biel as she appears in my dreams and drawings in my diary: