Dear Santa

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I’ll be damned if I’m gonna leave Kevin Federline as the top post all night, so here’s the painful erection known as Marisa Miller. I’m still not convinced her body wasn’t designed in a lab or somebody dared God, but I dare you to find something more absolutely perfect. I couldn’t even have sex with this. I mean I could, but at best, the five minutes it would take would include four minutes and forty-five seconds of me crying and apologizing.