Chris Brown Can’t Beat Up Rihanna For Five Years

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In the South, when you do this to a female, if you’re lucky you get to spend the rest of your life on a morphine drip, but in Hall of Justice that is Los Angeles, a judge just tells you that you have to stay a few yards away from her. TMZ reports:

Down to business, the judge sentenced Brown to perform hard labor at the Commonwealth Catholic Charities in Richmond, VA, where he must also take a 52-week domestic violence course. The judge ruled Brown — who pleaded guilty to felony assault — must stay 100 yards away from Rihanna, unless they are both at an entertainment-related event, in which case he must stay 10 yards away. The protective order lasts 5 years. He must provide DNA samples as requested by authorities. Brown must also keep in touch with the Probation Department and is subject to search and seizure 24/7 for the next 5 years. He can’t own any dangerous weapons, including guns or knives. Brown must pay $2,500 in restitution and another $2,500 in probation expenses. He must also pay a $30 criminal conviction fee — BARGAIN! He must also pay $400 that goes into a domestic violence fund. Brown must get prior approval before leaving the country. As Brown left court, female fans could be heard screaming “I love you.”

Not to get on a rant here, but I was born and raised in the South and we may be a bunch of ignorant rednecks, but the worst thing you could ever possibly do is make your mama or God upset. In that order. And the best way to do that is to beat on a woman like an Iraqi prisoner. Not only would you get taken out in the street and stoned, you’d sit there and take it. Because you’d fucking deserve it.