Jessica Simpson Got Dumped. Again.

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Unlucky in lovefucking everything, Jessica Simpson got dumped by her boyfriend of almost two years, Dallas Cowboys quarterback(?), Tony Romo. A day before her birthday. Star Magazine reports:

Jessica Simpson didn’t get an engagement ring for her 29th birthday on Friday — instead she got dumped by Tony Romo! Tony, who dated Jess for a year and a half, broke up with her on Thursday, the night before her birthday. And, a source tells Star, Tony hit the party scene on what should have been Jessica’s big night. The Dallas Cowboys football player was spotted kissing a brunette girl in Hollywood on Friday. Jessica desperately tried to put a brave face on the situation, writing on her Twitter on Saturday that she had canceled her Barbie-and-Ken-themed birthday bash. “Barbie party didn’t happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER!” she wrote. “Everyone needs to know that hope floats … grab the strings and pull it back to you,” she Tweeted on Sunday.

Kissing on a brunette girl can solve any problem, but just as a reminder, it’s been 4,580 days since the Cowboys won a playoff game, so let’s not jump for joy over the 2009 season just yet Cowboys fans. Getting rid of Jessica Simpson doesn’t change the fact that your quarterback looks like a caveman who just saw an airplane every time he steps on field during the postseason. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a chance the Cowboys could win a playoff game this year, but there’s also a chance I could fly on a magical dragon to lands untold for adventures of wonder.