Britney is Getting Married

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Always known for her logic and reason and her ability to make great life choices, Britney Spears is marrying her agent, Jason Trawick. Star Magazine reports:

After more than three years of casual hookups, Brit and Jason took their relationship to the next level while they were on vacation in the Bahamas last month. That’s when Brit and Jason shared a special night together during which Jason popped the question! “He didn’t exactly get down on one knee, but Brit didn’t care. She said yes, and they opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate,” says an insider. “Jason held Britney for a long time and kissed her cheeks. They talked about their future for hours and didn’t go to sleep until after 3 a.m.! They just wanted to be alone together.” Britney is already thinking about a December wedding — after her Circus world tour wraps this fall — and wants her big day to far outclass her previous ceremonies.

Wow, what a lucky guy. He must be on top of the world right now. Especially since he’s about to marry a dumpy single mother of two with a meth addiction and a court order that regulates her crazy. This is quite unlike when somebody decides to marry me. I hate to brag, but when they say yes, God throws a ceremony like they did at the end of Star Wars so the girl can get a medal for “Best Achievement in Decision Making”. Congratulations, my dear! You’re the big winner!!!