Paris Hilton is a Circus

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Finally convinced that she’s a whore, Doug Reinhardt released a statement today about his break up with Paris Hilton. TMZ reports:

“Doug refuses to take part of this ridiculous media circus. He wishes Paris

and all of her future boyfriends the best of luck.” Guess he doesn’t think Ronaldo will be “The One?” And to add to it all, sources close to Doug told us, “Contrary to reports, Paris is begging him to take her back, she made a mistake and loves him 100%.”

Paris Hilton’s vagina is like Ellis Island, so of course she’s probably banging some other guy while I’m typing this. At least Doug Reinhardt seems pretty calm and nonchalant about this whole thing. Although I’m pretty sure that’ll all change when he can’t explain the green tentacles growing on his penis. Dude, you should probably get that looked at.