Happy Birthday, Bar Refaeli

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Bar Refaeli is 24 today, and I only know that because my penis woke me up pretty early to remind me. I don’t know what his fascination is with this chick, she has an okay body, I guess. And sure she’s a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue covergirl. And yes she has perfect boobs. But what about my needs? What about stimulating intellectual conversation and mutual interests? What about trust and communication? God, penis! Why does everything have to be about you?!?