Jessica Biel is Too Hot

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It would be a bit of a stretch to call Jessica Biel an actress with her wooden line delivery and cyborg range of emotions, but according to her, that’s not the reason she can’t land a good role. Want to take a guess what it is? US Magazine reports:

“Yeah, it really is a problem,” Biel tells the June issue of Allure magazine. “I have to be blunt.”…”I’m in there with everybody else, fighting for the good parts. Yes, The Illusionist has made a difference — but a huge, massive difference, so I can pick and choose what I want? No.” “I just want an opportunity. If you don’t like the audition, don’t hire me!” she says. “But if you don’t want to even see me — that’s hurtful. And why? You know nothing about me!”

Yeah, that’s it. Nevermind that Tilda Swinton is too ugly, but that isn’t stopping her. You’re too hot. That’s why you can’t get good acting roles. Much like Charlize Theron and Halle Berry. Or Angelina Jolie and Kate Winslet. All their movies go straight to DVD because, let’s face it, Hollywood is afraid to hire beautiful women to star movies that they hope will make a lot of money. The American people are just too smart for that.