Jessica Simpson Should Thank Kelly Clarkson

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Jessica Simpson performed at Sea World this weekend in between stops at a Dollar Tree grand opening and the third stage at a street fair, and for some reason she thought it would be a good idea to squeeze her thighs into some Daisy Dukes. I guess the CGI Vanity Fair cover gave her a newfound sense of confidence, but she should really be thanking Kelly Clarkson. Because, in reality, this may be the first time my penis would willingly blast Jessica’s face look like a Jackson Pollock if he had to choose between those two. But Jessica shouldn’t get too excited, I’d rather go down on a manatee than see Kelly Clarkson take off her rebar-lined Spanx.