Kelly Brook is Back

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I wondered why a beam of God’s love shot out of my laptop this morning, but then I realized pictures of Page 3 legend Kelly Brook squeezing her massive 32E tits into some lingerie for this month’s appropriately titled, NUTS magazine hit online today. Goddamn, her body is perfect (32E-24-35). Those measurements are like penis powerball numbers. Jesus, I don’t even know what I would do if I saw this naked standing in front of me. Besides a handwritten letter of apology and a visit to my attorney, there’s a pretty realistic chance I’d blow so hard I’d look like I just picked up a downed power line.