Jennifer Aniston is Adopting (a kid, not more cats)

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Since no man in their right mind would willingly impregnate her, Jennifer Aniston has begun the process of adopting a baby boy. Star Magazine reports:

Star has learned that 40-year-old Jen has already started the paperwork with an agency in California and is planning to take home a baby boy. “She doesn’t want to wait,” says a friend. “Her best friends all have kids, and Jen sees how much motherhood changed their lives for the best,” says the source. “She’s dying to have that!” Jen has already started planning a $250,000 nursery at her home in Beverly Hills, and has even picked out her nanny. Unlike Angie, she wants a baby from the USA.

God, this poor kid. Until he’s 15, he’ll be required by law to be stuck with her needy ass. He’s gonna eat dinner every night next to a cardboard cutout of Brad Pitt in the chair next to him and Aniston in a wedding dress. “Tell daddy about your day,” Aniston will say. “Maybe if you’re a good boy, mommy and daddy will take you to the movies, because you’re mommy’s precious boy and no woman will love you as much as me and when you wake up in the middle of the night and I’m standing over you it’s because I just love you so much and that time I looked through your window at school it’s because I wanted to see if you were thinking about me because I think about you, do you think about me too? Your kindergarten teacher said you were special but I think she wants to take you away from mommy, but sometimes people go to sleep and don’t wake up, will you be sad if your teacher did that? Oh, don’t cry, handsome boy. When you grow up, you and mommy can get married because we love each other sooo much and then….” *it just rambles on like that for a while*

Photo credit: Splash