This is Going Straight to DVD

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Let’s not kid ourselves into believing that Jessica Biel has ever been any sort actress. She’s hot and hot chicks get to do cool things like launch a 1,000 ships and star in movies. Sometimes they’re on DVD. Page Six reports:

JESSICA Biel — one of the sexiest, most beautiful women in the world — has had bad luck with her latest movies, and hasn’t been seen on the big screen since “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” two years ago. Not even scenes of Biel dancing topless as a stripper in “Powder” — co-starring Ray Liotta, Kris Kristofferson, Forest Whitaker and Lisa Kudrow — could get the somber drama a theatrical release. “Powder” is going straight to DVD in June.

This manages to be simultaneously depressing and laughingly embarrassing, so hopefully Jessica wastes no time sinking into a spiral of doubt and despair. She’s gonna cry when I stick it in her ass anyway, so I’d rather her be crying already so it doesn’t get all weird.

You can see the NSFW screencaps of Biel in Powder Blue here, or you can click on the only pictures I post when the words “Jessica Biel” and “ass” are mentioned: