Jessica Simpson is Subtle

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Jessica Simpson was leaving Eva Longoria’s restaurant, Beso, the other night, and apparently a photographer was miniaturized in a secret government experiment so he could fly under her dress and take pictures of her bare ass. Or maybe, she kinda knew he was there. To be honest, she needs something to make people talk about her. She can’t sing, she can’t act, and everything she touches turns into a dog trapped in a hot car. At this point, the only way she could get to the top of the charts again is if Billboard started a Hot BMI 100.